2002 Volunteer Leader Training Guide
4-H and the Family
Teaching Guide and Club Leader Guide
Handout 2

One of the important strengths of 4-H is that it is a family affair. Moms, dads, brothers and sisters, etc., have traditionally been a welcome part of 4-H meetings and activities.

Only a few years ago, the beleaguered American family was being written off as obsolete. Society's basic institution was emotionally unstable, economically weak, and not up to the task of raising children, or so the experts said. Lately, opinions have shifted. "There is no better invention than the family, no super-substitute," says Rutgers University sociologist Sarane Boocok. The question now is not how to supplant the family, but how to support it.

That conclusion will hardly surprise most of the nation's 71.8 million families who have continued to raise their children, endure marital and economic stress, and adapt with amazing grace to unprecedented social changes. "Sometimes its awful," says Rae Defore, a suburban Milwaukee mother of three daughters. "We discuss, argue, scream, and holler. I understand why some people run away from home " both kids and adults. But almost anything of value demands effort. There's a richness to our lives that wouldn't have been if we'd decided not to have children."

Let's take a closer look at what the word family means. The following definition is a structural one which is very cold and limiting, but for reviewing the trends in families it is useful.

Family Forms

Families are not all the same. There are different forms of families such as intact, remarried or blended, one-parent, childless couples and extended families. We will take a closer look at each type.

Intact families -- a term that describes husband and wife families who are in their first marriage.

Intact families can be divided into three types: the one-earner, dual-earner, and the no-earner (usually retirees or unemployed).

One-earner families can be either the husband or wife earning the income. This family is the best adapted to the demands of the workplace, such as the amount of time devoted to work, handling job transfers and managing other demands which the workplace can place upon families. Since one family member is able to be home and devote almost full-time to child care, this has seemed to be the most effective family structure for the nurturance and socialization of children; however, dual-earner and blended families can come close to this supportive environment for children. The problem area for this family is the pressure to provide an adequate standard of living in today's society on one income.

The number of dual-earner "intact" families where both adults work outside the home has been steadily increasing. This structure can provide more income to achieve the quality of life that the family desires. There can also be more equality between husband and wife in the areas of work and in sharing household and child care responsibilities. However, these couples must learn to balance work and home roles, and this often results in the wife undergoing intense pressure, especially for farm wives. The family must learn to cope with working harder or more efficiently and with lower standards or well set priorities.

Remarried or blended husband/wife families -- Within this group both one-earner and dual-earner families are found. All of the special problems and needs of the one- and dual- earner families can be present in this family. Additionally there are special challenges for the blended families.

There are many difficulties in blending two formerly independent households into one functioning unit. There are no established rules or role definitions for these complex new relationships. The question of order and discipline can be a real struggle as well as blending in the role of the noncustodial parent. There are many needs and challenges for this family structure.

One-parent families consist of one parent and one or more children under the age of 18. This person may or may not have been married. The economic disadvantage is a constant struggle and many are forced into some sort of welfare dependency. There are a variety of social and emotional difficulties as the complications of guiding, nurturing, and disciplining children alone can be immense. Physical strain and fatigue are often experienced.

The one-parent family needs support systems for parenting, household and health maintenance, as well as social relationships. This support is often scarce in our busy world of today.

Childless couples are "post-parental" couples (those whose children are grown and gone) and also couples who have not had their children yet or have chosen to be "child-free." An advantage of this family form is that there isn't any conflict between career and/or other interests and the demands from children. Potential disadvantages include missing out on the social and emotional rewards of parenthood and a possible greater likelihood of loneliness.

Extended families consist of parents with youngsters over the age of 18, young couples living with the parents of one partner, parents or other relatives living with a nuclear family and other combinations of two or more adult relatives. An advantage of this family form is the greater likelihood of maintaining family values and traditions. There is also the potential of increased efficiency and economic benefits from the sharing of resources. Complications can arise from so many people of various ages and interests living together and resolving authority patterns, decision making and balancing privacy.

4-H and the Family

What kinds of families are involved in your 4-H program? What are your expectations of families? Is it realistic to expect the same level of involvement from different family forms? Of course, it is not realistic to expect every family to be involved to the same level. That is why it is so critical to become involved. Find the family's "hot-button." (What will get them excited about 4-H?) Use the methods that are outlined in Lesson #6 of Level I of the Building Effective Leadership series. Lesson #6, "Supporting the 4-H Family," contains several methods for involving families in 4-H.

Another way that 4-H can impact families to help strengthen the family unit. The importance of strong families and the impact they have on the quality of life in our communities and the nation is becoming more of a reality every day. What happens in the home sets up a pattern that spills out into all aspects of our society.

On the other hand the influences affecting the family come from many sources -- television, movies, other mass media, inflation, government decisions, educational institutions, increased crimes -- to name a few.

We need to be concerned with what is happening to our families. And we need to be aware that there are things we can do to help strengthen our families and promote the personal growth of each family member.

4-H has been termed a "family affair." Our organization has prided itself on the value placed on the home and family as a center for learning. 4-H is credited by some parents as being a "common denominator," one experience all their children share in common. 4-H helps parents with their parenting role: providing a setting or an avenue to help parents teach skills and attitudes they need to have as a successful parent.

What Makes Families Strong?
What Are Some Characteristics of Strong Families?

How do families succeed? More than 3,000 families in every state in the nation and other countries as well participated in a research study to answer this question. Set patterns or characteristics have emerged.

Commitment

This strength is a commitment to the family. It is a promise of time and energy. Commitment in strong families means that the family as a whole is committed to seeing that each member reaches his or her potential. It does not mean that the individuals suffer so that others in the family can grow.

Family Wellness

Family wellness is the belief in positive human interaction. This belief helps family members trust others and learn to give and receive love. Family wellness is not the absence of problems. Strong families have their share of troubles, but their trust and love enable them to meet their problems effectively.

Communication

"The greatest gift I can receive from anyone is to be seen by them, to be heard by them, to be understood by them, and to be touched by them." This quote by Virginia Satir expresses the keys to good communications in families.

How wonderful it is to have someone see your side of things and really understand how you feel. It's a great thing to experience. However, if we're not careful, the needs and pressures of the moment often block this kind of understanding.

"He Looked Beyond My Faults and Saw My Needs" is the title of a song and contains an important key for improving communications and strengthening relationships. Families that are strong have developed that ability to look beyond each others' faults and see the needs. They don't do this every time, but they do put forth the effort to hear what the other person is saying and feeling.

Strong families have quarrels and don't always agree, but they get things out in the open and talk about them. They come up with a solution that considers each person's needs.

Expression of Appreciation

Strong families do more than have feelings of appreciation. They express them in words and actions. They let each other know they are special.

The knowledge that people care about each other goes a long way to help build stronger families. The need is present in all people. Take time today and let them know you care.

Spending Positive Time Together

Strong families spend a great amount of time together in work and play. They enjoy being together.

Dr. Stinnett says, "Our study found that strong families intentionally cut down on the number of outside activities and involvements in order to minimize fragmentation of their family life."

If you want to build a stronger family, you need to take some "prime time" when you have the energy, the inner peace, the patience to give your best. You need to build in special times to share fun, special and uplifting kinds of activities.

The Ability to Deal with Stress, Conflict and Crisis

All the previous strengths combine to make an inner core of power for families. This core serves as a resource for those times when conflict and crisis come. It helps reduce stress and prevent many conflicts and crises. Strong families are able to survive and even to grow in the face of hard times.

4-H Family Activities in the Local 4-H Club

The following suggested activities are designed to help build stronger families. Strive to gain cooperation and participation of the entire family. The time you spend designing and conducting family activities can be some of the most important investments you make in building strong families.

Remember that families come in all shapes and sizes: small families, large families, one-parent families, extended families which include aunts, uncles, grandparents and in some cases special friends and even pets.

Activity No. 1 -- Appreciating Our Heritage

Purpose of This Activity:

To help the 4-H member and his/her family gain greater appreciation of family heritage.

Materials Needed:

1. Special invitation to families including grandparents.
    

2. Special food. The evening would not be complete without a special treat. Something that was enjoyed in Grandma's or Grandpa's youth might be just the thing to top off a memorable evening.

Activities for the Meeting:

1. Roll call -- ask each member to bring an item that is special to their family, describe how it is used, why it has special meaning.
    

2. Have families get together in a group -- one family per group. Ask parents or other adults to share the mementos or memories that have special meaning to them. Have children recall some of the most memorable experiences they have shared in the family. Be prepared to involve members who may not have parents or family members at the meeting.
    

3. Appoint someone to record some of the highlights.
    

4. Families may wish to share some of their discussion with the total group.
    

5. Top off the evening with special food.

Option 1:

If the youth already have a good understanding of their heritage, spend the evening developing a brief history of the family, highlighting important people and events -- this could be shared with the group.

Option 2:

Many resources are available in each community. Invite someone in your community who has special knowledge about the history of the community to spend the evening. Have them share some highlights or history of the important people and events which influenced the development of the community.

Activity No. 2 -- Appreciating the Strengths and Uniqueness of Each Family Member

Purpose of This Activity:

To help members of the family be more aware of the strengths and uniqueness of each person and how that uniqueness can enrich the experiences they share as a family.

Materials Needed:

1. A stack of old magazines that can be cut up
    

2. Rubber cement, glue or paste
    

3. Scissors
    

4. Card stock or cardboard. A piece for each member of the family 12 x 14 inches (30.5 x 35.5 cm) would make a good size.
    

5. A special treat to be shared by the family. Selecting some food new to one of the family members would be most appropriate.
    

6. Camera

Activities for this Session:

Activity No. 2 is outlined step by step with a list of the materials you will need. Options 1 and 2 are guides to alternative activities that may be used.

1. Share with family the purpose of this activity. (See above.) Emphasize that your goal is to look for the positive aspects of each person's uniqueness.
    

2. Get the magazines, scissors, glue, and cardboard and place where all members can reach them.
    

3. Instruct each person to thumb through the magazines and look for pictures or words descriptive of a strength or unique characteristic of one of the family members. When they find something, have them cut it out and place it on a board with that person's name. Don't glue it at this point. Allow approximately 20 to 30 minutes for this activity.
    

4. Work until there are a good number of pictures and descriptive words depicting the uniqueness of each family member. You are now ready to arrange them into a collage on the cardboard. Focus on one person at a time talking about the uniqueness of that person as you build the collage. Cement the pieces on as you build the collage.
    

5. After the collages are complete, have each person hold his collage, then have family members share how that person's uniqueness enriches the experiences they share as a family.
    

6. It's treat time now, a time for a special snack -- something that reflects the unique specialty of one of the family members.
    

7. If you like, put the collages where the family members have access that week and can add to them.

Option 1:

In place of developing a collage for each member of the family, have each person write down some of the strengths or unique characteristics of each person in the family and how each enriches the experiences you share as a family.

Then focus on one person at a time and have each family member share with that person the thoughts he/she has written.

Option 2:

If the family has a flair for art, provide some paper and crayons and have each person make a poster or drawing for each family member. Each work of art should depict some of the strengths and unique characteristics of a family member.

When the artwork is complete, it's time for sharing. Sort the pictures or posters into groups for each family member. Then have each person explain his/her creation, telling how that person's uniqueness enriches the experiences they share as a family.

Option 3:

Give each member a piece of paper with an outline of a T-shirt on it or ask each family member to bring a real T-shirt. Have each person design a theme about him/herself: something that he or she is proud of or is known for. This can be a picture or words or both. When the design is done, it is time for sharing.

Special Memories Activity No. 2:

1. Give a brief description of the most unique characteristics of each family member.
    

2. What we enjoyed most.
    

3. As a closing activity, before you have a treat, take some time to think about each member of your family. If you could give each member a special gift -- making believe that you could give anything -- what would you give each person? It should be a special gift just for that person.

When you have had time to think of a gift for each person, then as a family focus on one member at a time and share with them the kinds of gifts you would give them. Examples may be good health, the power to continue to bring joy into the lives of others, the development of a special talent, or a tangible gift. The key is to match the gift to the person.

4. It's treat time. The night wouldn't be complete without a special treat to be enjoyed by the whole family.

Adapted from:
Building Family Strengths Curriculum, University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
"Census Bureau Current Population Reports," 2000.
"The Diversity of Household and Family Forms," Ronald L. Pitzer, Family Life Specialist, University of Minnesota.

Back to 2002 Volunteer Leader Training Guide